Monday, January 18, 2010

I’m stuck

OK…I have tried to deny it, but…I was seriously depressed over the holidays. This is the first Christmas without my mom. I miss her so much. She lived with me for 22 years…It’s like losing an arm.

And today I realized I’m still depressed…I can’t seem to get it together. I’m tired and sleep a lot, or escape in a book…but I am not getting anything done. My house needs a deep clean, my garden need attention, I need to finish blocking the play before the next rehearsal…but I can’t seem to do it. Intellectually I know what it is…but, emotionally …I’m stuck.

5 comments:

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Peaches-- I know exactly what you mean. I am so sorry.
xo

Peaches said...

Thanks, Joanna.

Reya Mellicker said...

I am so sorry for you loss, Peaches.

And I hope you'll cut yourself some serious slack for the time being. the first big holiday season after someone you love passes away is just devastating.

Sending much love,

dana said...

First: Don't be hard on yourself!! My mom was dead for one full year on the day I first caught myself doing something as simple as SMILING! Okay. That's extreme, but it happened.

I fight deep, dark depression pretty frequently. It always amazes me, when I look back, at HOW LONG IT LASTED!

During those times I don't want to get out of bed, change my clothes, clean my house. It's always: "why bother?"

This last time was THE WORSE. Accidentally I found myself staring at an abused dog at one of those adoption clinics. I stared at him. He stared at me. We were both abused, downtrodden, hopeless. I picked him up and my next thought was about HIM instead of about ME.

I took him home. That was one month ago. We need each other, and now there's more for me to think about than what I've lost.

sorry, but I had to mention it.

Middle Aged Woman Blogging said...

I have been where you are. This was the 2nd holiday without my mother and I was bound and determined not to go into a funk like I did last year. What you are experiencing is quite normal. I spent yesterday counting my blessings to ward off the winter blues. It helped. Take care of yourself and remember to smile.